Ok, so I made a few minor changes on the original and then I thought I could rewrite it. Thoughts anybody?

Embedded in my mind lays a piece of forever. A bird eyes memory of you laying down, listening to the rain. Dew drops hit the sweet spot of the ever-clear glass; gasping in awe with each thundering sound. The lightning strikes, yet you pose so beautifully. Holding your breath with each noise, and offering your hope between your pillow and your heart. Drifting into silence, peace and serenity.

The galloping rain is like your heartbeat. Its constant and lovely, and it races within. I yearn to feel it beat as if it were my own, instead I can only trace mine and hope that we can meet yet again, in sweet Dreamland.